After the fight...
Wife: Tum mujhe manaate hi nahin!
Husband: Tum kya Diwali ho?

4 dangerous weapons in the world bigger than nuclear bomb:
1. Wife's Smile
2. Wife's Tear
3. Wife's Looks
& the most dangerous,
4. Wife's Missed Call.! Have Life with Wife.........................husband wife jokes in english

One line Advertizement by a married man at olx
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For Sale: Wedding suit, used only once by Mistake........................funny husband wife jokes

Husband was watching a DVD at home.. and jor jor se cheekhne laga .....
Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
Ghode par se mat utar.. Pagal mat utar..
Its a trap!! Its a trap!!
Kutte ki maut Marega saale..
Wife: Kya dekh rahe ho jiiiii?
Man: Our marriage DVD Darling!!

Jaane kab aayega……….. Happy men's day
for the 1st time something on a man. Do read it.
Who is a man?
A man is the most beautiful part of god's creation who starts compromising at a very tender age.
He sacrifices his chocolates for his sister.
He sacrifices his dreams for just a smile on his parents face.
He spends his entire pocket money on buyng gifts for the girl he loves just to see her smiling
he sacrifices his full youth for his wife & children by working late at night without any complain.
He builds their future by takng loans from banks & repayng them for lifetime.
He struggles a lot & still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife & boss.
His mother, wife & boss all try to control him.
His life finally ends up only by compromising for others' happiness.
Bechara mard...!?
Agar aurat par hath uthaye to besharam,
aurat se maar khae to buzdil,
aurat ko kisi ke saat dekh ker ladai kare to jealous,
chup rahe to darpok,
ghar se bahar rahe to aawara,
ghar me rahe to naakara,
bachhon ko dante to zalim,
na dante to laparwah,
aurat ko naukari karane se roke to shak karne wala,
aurat ko naukari karane se na rokey to biwi ki kamai khane wala,
maa ki mane to chamcha,
biwi ki sune to joru ka gulam...
Na jane kab aayega,
"happy men's day"
respect every male in your life.
U will never know what he has sacrificed 4u.
Worth sending to every man to make him smile & every woman to make her realize his worth!!

Wife: Give me your phone for a second
Husband: Wait let me switch it on.
Delete video.
Delete picture.
Delete music.
Delete private folder
Delete number.
Delete jokes.
Delete out goin calls.
Delete incomin calls.
Delete mms.
Delete what's app.
Delete bbm.
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
FORMAT Memory Card.
Here u go I have nothing to hide from u!!
Wife: I just wanted to see the time

Sms to wife.....

Meri piyari bivi !!!
Sawaal kuchh bhi ho,
Jawab tum hi ho.
Rasta koi bhi ho,
Manzil tum hi ho.
Dukh kitna hi ho,
Khushi tum hi ho.
Armaan kitna hi ho,
Aarzu tum hi ho.
Gussa jitna bhi ho,
Pyar tum hi ho.
Khwab koi bhi ho,
Taqdeer tum hi ho.
Yaani aisa samjho ki,
Fasaad Kuch bhi ho,
Saare fasaad ki jadd,
Sirf tum hi ho..

Himmat hai to apni wali ko bhejna..

Santa: Meri Wife Mujhe Naukar Samajhne Lagi Hai
Batao Main Kya Karun?

Banta: Karna Kya Hai,
2-4 Ghar Aur Pakad Aur Apna Dhandha Jama Le.

God in dabanng style:
shadi me hum tumhe "biwi" naam ki aisi cheej denge ki..
Zindagi bhar confuzed rahoge ki punishment hai ya gift.

Thappad marne par naraz biwi se
Pati bola: Aadmi usi ko marta hai jis se Pyar karta hai.
Biwi ne pati ko 2 thappad maare aur boli
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aap kya samjhte hain main aapse Pyar nahi karti...?..................funny husband wife jokes

Husband: aaj khaana tumhari maa ne banaya hai kya ?
Wife: haan.....lekin tumhe kaise pata chala ?
Husband: roz khaane mein kaale baal nikalte the.....aaj safed nikle hain.

Happy Independence day Please Ignore if u r MARRIED

Agar Aap Ki Wife
Aap Ka Kehna Nahi Sunti..
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Itne Gour se Kya Padh rahe ho,
Kisi Ki Wife Nahi Sunti..

Husband apni saas se - apki beti mein to hazaron kamiyan hain.

Saas - haan beta, isi vajah se to use achcha ladka nahi mila...

Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions of website while downloding anything .
U understand nothing , still u say - " I agree . ! "

Height Of Embarrasment :
Man Sitting With his Wife in the Park
Another Lady Comes to his Wife and Says:
Paise Pehly Le lena, ye admi Baad Mai Bahut Lafra Karta Hai..........................husband wife jokes in english

OuR language is CalleD The MoTheR TonGue
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BeCause FaTHeR Never Get A Chance To Speak........................husband wife jokes in english

Pati - Tum hamesha mera - mera karti ho,
Mera beta
Mera ghar
Meri car
Tumhe hamara kehna chahiye..
Ab Almari me kya dhoond rahi ho..?
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Wife - Hamara petticoat...........................new husband wife jokes

Wife: agar meri shadi kisi "rakshas" se bhi ho jati to mai itni pareshan nhi hoti jitni tumare sath hu
Husband: par blood relation me shadiyan kaha hoti hai Darling

Wife aur Kashmir me kya samanta hai
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Dono hi samasya hai par jb padosi dekhe to boht gussa aata h

Shadi ke 7 sukh
1.subah subah garm pani milega (bartan dhone ke liye)
2. Pyare pyare bche milenge (aapko gdha bnane ke liye)
3. Har roz biwi aapse pyar se bolegi (rashan lane ke liye)
4. Biwi aapki baho me bahe dalegi ( khrcha pani ke liye)
5. Aap gana gana shuru kr doge (bacho ko sulane ke liye)
6. Wo roj tyar hokar samne ayegi (shoping jaane ke liye)
7. Aapko bi whisky ka maza ayega (kuch der gum bhulane ke liye)
no life without wife...........................................new husband wife jokes in hindi

SANTA: Shimla ja raha hu.......Raste me Wife ko khayi me gira dunga.
BANTA:Meri bhi le ja yaar.........ushe bhi gira dena.
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SANTA: Agar tu Bura na mane to use Wapsi me gira du ?

Wife Pati ko Maar Rahi Thi Padosi : Kyu maar rahi ho bechare pati ko ?
Patni : Koi bechara nahin hai, Inko call kiya to ek ladki boli
"Aap hamare jis grahak se sampark karna chahte ho, wo abhi vyast hai" kripaya kuch der bhaad call kare............best husband wife jokes

A man was walking in rain
A sweet lady: Why don't you share my umbrella ?
Man: no sister its fine
(And he walked away)
Moral:
Moral voral kuch nai
Piche biwi aa rahi thi.......................best husband wife jokes

Touching words by a father- Dear Son,
if U think ur Dad, Mom, Teacher, Boss are strict, and harass u,..
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Wait for a....WIFE....
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Then, U would love them All !

Assistant: sir, aap office me shaadi
shuda aadmiyon ko hi kyu rakhte
ho.?
Boss: kyuki unhe beizzati sehne ki
aadat hai,
aur ghar jane ki jaldi bhi nahi hoti!

Unmarried boy: mujhe shadi nahi
karna, mujhe sab auraton
se darr lagta hai..
Father: kar le beta, fir
ek hi aurat se darr
lagega, baaki sab acchi lagegi!

Police: hume aapke ghar ki talaashi leni hai,
suna hai aapke ghar me visfotak saamagri hai..?
Santa: khabar to bilkul pakki hai,
par abhi wo maayke gayi hui hai!

ek ensaan post office gaya aur bola sahab meri patni gum ho gayi hai
usko jawab me mila ye post office hai police station nahi.. Ensaan ne kaha oops,
sorry salaa khusi ke mare kaha jata hoon pata nahi,

*very funny mast makar sankranti special husband wife jokes*
Pahli Saheli: esa kyo lagata hai ki pati aur patang me koi phark nahi hota hai?
Dusri Saheli: kyoki dono me se kisi ko thori dhil do to udhar udhar udne lagte hai.

*Valentine's day special husband wife jokes*
Shadi ke 5 saal baad pati ne valentine day par pati ko white rose diya
Patni - App jise love karte ho use Valentine day ke din white nahi red rose dete hai
Pati - aab hamre life me love se jada peace ki jrurat hai esiliye white rose diya hai
Kripya shanti banaye rakhein...!!!

Makar Sankranti special for desperate husband
aapni pati ka photo patnag par chipkaye aur patang udawe
Patni ko khud se dooooor hote jate dekhkar aanad udawae




Good Night sms |