Definition of honeymoon:
a man's last holiday
before he starts working
for a new boss !!

When you are single you see happy couple every where,
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But
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When u r married
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you see Happy Singles every where..........................husband wife jokes in english

Banta: Why did you beat your wife so much?
Santa: The ayurved told me to "beat properly" before administering the medicine to her!

Santa: I was a dude before marrying.
Banta: And what are you now?
Santa: Now I'm subdued!.......................funniest husband wife jokes ever

Aadmi dost se: "yar aisi bv ko kya kahenge jo khubsurat ho, samajhdar ho, baat manay aur kabhi naraz na ho?"
Dost: "afwah"

Wife is angry as hubby stands too close to a beautiful girl in bus, girl slaps him for pinching.
Hubby to wife: I swear I didn't .
Wife: I know, I did it.

Husband:" Hamari 10th Aniverasrypar Me Tumhe..
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ANDAMAN NIKOBAR ISLAND Le Jaaunga
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Wife:" Wow..Aur 25th Aniversary Par.. ??
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Husband:" Tumhe Wapas Lene Aaunga......................husband wife jokes in english

BEIZATI aur BIWI ajeeb cheez hoti hai gaur farmaye
BEIZATI aur BIWI ajeeb cheez hoti hai
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Acchhi tabhi lagti hai jab dusre ki hoti hai.

Ek admi ne 100 times blood
donate
karne ka record banaya
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Blood bank wale uski wife ko prize dete hue kehte hi
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Thank You!!! Apne nai piya, tabhi to hamne liya...................very very funny wife jokes ever

Dear Government,
Kindly consider Woman Shopping Bills as an Investment Proof.
From
Helpless Husband

Wife: Tum muje apne sath Bangkok kyu nahi le jate..??
Best answer given ever :-
Husband: Areh Pagli, Restaurant me bhi koi Tiffin le jata hai kya..

Wife: Baju-wali har saal apne pati k sath 20 din bahar ghumne jaati hai
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Aap kabhi leke gaye ???
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Husband: Maine to 4-5 baar poocha par wo nahi maani.........................funniest husband wife jokes ever

2014: wife..
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Husband: ek cup garma-garam chai bna do jara..
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Wife:" kyyaaaaa..?? Zara phir kehna..
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Husband: maine kaha g, ek cup chai bana dun aapko..???

Husband roz ki tarah subhaa walk pe gaya to dekha bahar tez baarish ho rahi thi...
wo turant wapas aa gaya aur chhaddar mein ghuss kar biwi se chipak gaya aur bolaa
"bahar bahut baarish ho rahi hai.... " Biwi (neend mein ) = "phir bhi woh kamina walk pe gaya hai.......park me ladkiyo ko ghurr raha hoga"

Women are like Fruits...
Every one has its unique colour, shape, aroma and taste....
Problem is with men...!
They want
FRUIT SALAD..!!husband wife jokes in english

If you marry one woman, she will fight with you
If you marry 2 women, they will fight
FOR YOU
Add wife! Have life!

Shadi ke 3 din bad patni apne pati se:- 'Suno ji aaj se aapke bina mai nahin aur mere bin aap nahin'...
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Wahi patni shadi ke 10 sal bad pati se:-
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'Uth kamime aaj ya to tu nahin ya mai nahin'

All Husbands are like Bluetooth.
Always connected to wife when she is around.
But
The moment wife is Away,
They automatically start searching new devices.

Dear Weather,
Please stop being so cold. We don't have hot boyfriends, we already have cold husbands with hot temper.
Sincerely,
Wives

Wife: Can u help me in the gardening ?
Husband: What do u think I am...a gardener ?
Wife: Can u fix the door handle ?
Husband: What do you think I am... a Carpenter ?
In the evening, when husband came from work, he saw everything has been fixed.
Husband: Who did all this ?
Wife: Our neighbour.
But he gave me 2 options.....
Either I should give him a burger or a kiss.
Husband: I am sure u must have given him a burger.
Wife: What do u think I am.......McDonalds ?!!

Husband sent an jokes to wife:
thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever i am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming in my life and making it worth living. You're great.
She replied that jokes: pee li na ? Ab chup chap ghar aa jao.. Daro mat..
Kuchh nahi bolungi..! !Husband: thank you.

Jeeto was trying to train a dog.
Santa: You will never succeed in making that dog obey you.
Jeeto: Darling it's only a matter of patience, I had a lot of trouble with you in the beginning!

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess: "Will you marry me ?"
The Princess said NO.
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles; went fishing and hunting; played golf; dated women half his age; drank beer and scotch; always had enough bank balance; he even left the toilet seat up and towel on the bed whenever he wanted.

When husband breaks a glass.
Wife: Break everything. Break all these bottles... break the kitchen... break the house... just break everything!
And when wife breaks a glass.
Wife: Who kept this glass here?.......................very funny husband wife jokes in english

I'm not saying my wife's voice is annoying;
But right now... I'm really jealous of deaf people!

A successful marriage is based on give & take:
Where husband gives money, gifts, dresses and wife takes it;
And whereas wife gives advices, lectures,Tensions & husband takes it!

Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second

Husbnd-Hi baby! Was missing u so I called..
Wife: Oh. Wat abt d big fight we had 10 mins ago?
U nt angry?
Husband: Oh Sh!t! I dialled home again.

Husband & Wife had a Fight.
Wife called Mom : He fought with me again, I am coming to home.
Mom : No Dear, he must pay for his mistake,
I am comming to stay with you at your home.

Very funny Equality Law:
The time taken by a wife when she says I will be ready in 5 minutes to go outside
is exactly equal to the time taken by a Husband when He says “I will be home honey in 5 minutes"

Very Funny quote written on a husband`s T-Shirt:
All girls are devils, but my wifé is the quèén of them.




Good Night sms |